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About Wonko's
 
Wonko's Toys and Games has a threefold plan for world domination. The bulk of that plan involves equal parts bikini wax, thumbtacks, and cranberry sauce, but like so many other fiendish plots, it is the secret ingredient that makes it walk down the sidewalk in a white polyester leisure suit whistling Dixie. Our secret ingredient is high quality collectible toys and games, so stick that in your molecularizer and, well…molecularize it.
 
All of the products that we sell are implanted with space age polymers and technology that will enable them to rise up at our bidding and subdue all who oppose us. It is for this reason that we highly recommend that you purchase all of your toys and games from Wonko's because there is nothing quite so debasing as getting your head handed to you by Tube Top Peter.
 
Once we have cemented our hold on the planet, we will set up a system of governance based on what we affectionately call the SMORES system. Rather than a flashy acronym, the SMORES system depends on copious amounts of graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate. We are confident that this system will be more responsive to the needs of citizens than any system previously known to man, with the exception of the "Light Everyone Who Opposes You On Fire" system, which remains without peer.
 
Please help us to further our aims by buying as many of the items you find here as possible, and maybe we'll make you Minister of Shiny Things and Such upon our inevitable ascension.
 
Thank you and have a nice day.
 
Check out our latest television commercial: (Actually, please don't if you are really easily offended)
 

 
 
 
And here is one for the kiddos:
 
 
 
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